on seeking mindfulness

The subtitle of this blog is "working toward mindfulness." I know that mindfulness is a word that is tossed about rather casually, but for me, it is really a defining element of my life and work.

I am a person who seems to have a million things going on in my mind at all times, and I really struggle with being fully present in the moment. Part of my journey, I know, is learning to be more gentle with myself, knowing that having so much going on in my mind has allowed me to learn new things and pick up new skills that I may not have attempted, or even considered, otherwise. And part of my journey is working toward being fully present more of the time.

I have a favorite quote from Thich Nhat Hanh, which "lives" on my desk where I can be reminded of it throughout the day:

If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes.' What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea, either. While thinking of other things, we are barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus, we are sucked away into the future -- and we are incapable of actually living one moment of life!

In my life as a mama, this process is most often expressed as a need for consciousness in my daily choices with my wee ones. Whether it's lighting a candle at bedtime, sitting down to breakfast with Elisabeth instead of just throwing it at her when it's ready, or taking a child into my arms when we're both feeling frustrated and out-of-sorts (rather than walking away or snapping), the day is filled with opportunities to make conscious decisions about my interactions with these incredible souls.

I need to remind myself often that none of this is a formula. Lighting a candle at bedtime does not make me a "good" mother; it does offer the chance to pause and savor a sacred time in a child's life. Because life is a process, not an arrival, right?

And I am very, very blessed to have these wee teachers in my life, because no one is better able to live completely in the moment than a child. As a I see James take complete joy in discovering a cat or watching objects fall as he drops them, or as I observe Elisabeth, engrossed in an art project or important imaginitive play, I am given a fresh opportunity to be reminded (again and again) what it is to be fully present and joyful. Today.

Comments

[kyrie]

this is so, so beautiful, and just what i have been thinking about lately, too- how lovely to hear the sentiment repeated just as i was needing reaffirmation myself.

beautiful. i wish you joy and true mindfulness in your journey!

[kort]

lovely, lovely. i'd be curious to hear more about lighting a candle at bedtime....every step we take toward awareness makes us better mamas.

[Gwyn]

I am not sure how often I am ever fully in the moment with my kids - there is so much I can do mentally whilst pushing cars around - but I wish I actually relaxed and enjoyed the moments more. You put it so very well.

[Mohda]

I too am a person with a million things on my mind every moment of the day. Unfortunately these thoughts are louder than my children at times.

I appreciate your thoughts. Mindfulness is a real challenge in our speedy society.

[Angela]

An echo of what I have been thinking lately and finding a challenge throughout my mothering journey. Thank you for voicing it so well!!! The wonderful thing about blogland (for me) is the shared ideas and feelings that support and reassure that I am not alone (even if it may seem that way at playgroup haha). Many blessings to you and you wee ones!

[ilse]

Hi grace, our you reading peoples minds??? or feeling otherones thougthts ! Last week I was at a lecture about how children learn and live. and she said we parents should live at this moment togheter with our kids, and be present with the things they do and explore, and that is so right, our minds often are in the future. and our children feel this, it is important that we live in this moment, doing the things we do ,such as the dishes, with are fully mind !! that's the way our children will learn from us.

She also said, our daily activities often become a routine and it is good that we mothers remind each other of those "present" moments

Thank you for reminding me, I sure need to remender it every day.

[Autumn]

What a lovely reminder...thank you!

[ilse]

Hi grace, our you reading peoples minds??? or feeling otherones thougthts ! Last week I was at a lecture about how children learn and live. and she said we parents should live at this moment togheter with our kids, and be present with the things they do and explore, and that is so right, our minds often are in the future. and our children feel this, it is important that we live in this moment, doing the things we do ,such as the dishes, with are fully mind !! that's the way our children will learn from us.

She also said, our daily activities often become a routine and it is good that we mothers remind each other of those "present" moments

Thank you for reminding me, I sure need to remender it every day.

[ilse]

P.S oh can I copy the qoute? I will hang it on my desk too.

[Alicia A.]

It deserves a comment, so I had to unplug my silly router and go through the rigmarole.

This post is wonderful. I loved it. I've been doing lots of reading on Buddhism, and this is just what I needed. Thank you for writing it all down and thank you for reminding me be more mindful myself.

[Barbara]

this is my first time reading your blog so I just wanted to say hello, and that your children are beauitiful!

[heather]

none of this is a formula...i really needed to here that tonight, thank you.

[tamara]

that was beautifully said, I needed to be reminded of this. I've been scurrying along all week and I feel this tension in every part of my day. I'm sure my astute children feel it too. I love that bit you quoted, it makes me really want to go and wash the dishes ;) thanks again.

[patience]

What a lovely post, thank you so much for sharing it. And like I the others I am grateful for the reminder. By the way, your children are adorable and Elle has amazing eyes - the personality shines so brightly out of them.

[Becca]

What a beautiful post. Being in the moment is so hard for me, but is such a gift to both me and my children. Thank you.

[jennifer]

so so true - that is exactly the way i view each new day. love this post. xoxo

[Kelly]

I love this! I have Gathas, from THICH NHAT HANH, PRESENT MOMENT WONDERFUL MOMENT, taped up all through out the house on beautiful paper, that my children painted with water colors...I have one hanging in every mirror. We have them in the bathroom, we recite when brushing our teeth and washing our hands..they are wonderful reminders of mindfulness...something I continue to strive for, each and every day! Thank you, for this beautiful post! In, out;Deep, Slow, Calm,Ease; Smile, Release: Present Moment, Wonderful Moment...

[Nicky Fraser]

Hello, a friend recommended I read your blog re: mindfullness, as we are currently discussing it alot between us! You've hit the nail on the head, I've got 3 children and find it difficult to be mindful at times during the day, and have to remind myself to do so. Beautiful blog. Thanks.

[mama Heidi]

Hello Grace, What a pity that my writing English is sooo bad! I just can say thank you for saying this words...they are beautiful!!!

[Heather Neun]

Yes, yes, yes. I needed to read this today. Thanks.

[Ingrid]

Hi this is my first time reading your post and I was moved by your words. Your words ring so true. Thank you ..seriously thank you for reminding me to stop and focus on what really is important..even in the smallest of gestures..towards not only my children..but everyone.

[Danielle]

I read this post last night, but wasn't able to comment, so I had to come back to it. The quote was perfect & your take on it even more so. One thing, as most moms, it's so hard for me to live in the moment. I'm always so busy thinking about what's going on next that I sometimes forget to just play & have fun. I am going to do some sort of altered artwork with that quote though, I don't want to forget it & I want to be reminded to just live in the moment.

Thank you for opening my eyes, the first step to being a better mom:-)

[Kate]

So true and beautifully said.
Excellent post Grace. And GASP I just saw us on your blogroll, can you see my smile from there???!! Thanks :)