Celebrating the Twelve Days

Our family has a tradition of celebrating the Twelve Days of Christmas. I don't know how this tradition crept into our lives -- neither I nor my husband grew up with this tradition; in fact, both of our mothers are of the "all decorations down before New Year's" persuasion. But nonetheless, over the six holiday seasons that we've celebrated since becoming parents, this custom has organically slipped into our lives.

I think it partly grew out of our desire to avoid the over-stimulating, greed-filled, disappointing marathon of celebrating all of Christmas in one day. And it grew out of an interest in observing Twelfth Night/Epiphany/Three Kings Day (as it's known in our house), which falls on January 6.

And we're still very much in the process of figuring out what celebrating the Twelve Days is going to look like for us. But we're discovering that it isn't so easy. It seems to be more countercultural than almost any other holiday tradition. The rest of our world (by which I mean our community, and our country, the United States ... I understand that it's very different in some parts of the world) turns the holidays "off" somewhere around New Year's Day. One local radio station plays nothing but Christmas music beginning on Thanksgiving, and on December 26, they stop quite abruptly. I often feel like it would be so much nicer to ease back into "regular programming."

Elisabeth's live tree in her bedroom.

It's challenging, though, when the preparation for and celebration of a season are all mixed together. It sometimes feels as though we're on this crazy ride ... we're expected to prepare for the holiday and celebrate it simultaneously. And it leaves me feeling a bit crazed. It seems that observing a meditative advent is not a luxury afforded to a mother whose job is to make sure that the celebration is ready on Christmas morning. No wonder so many people tear their decorations down on the day after in a furor of annoyance.

And so, we're finding our own way, bit by bit. Leaving our decorations up through January 6 has necessitated putting them up a bit later. Finding ways to draw out the season has been a bit more difficult. My children certainly aren't in need of more gifts. But we keep our eyes open for family-oriented activities that we can do a bit easier while my husband is on his break from teaching.

The farm is decorated with trees from my Holiday Traditions Exchange swap partner.

Sometimes just embracing the fact that this time may be about quiet and peace is a bit challenging for me, but then, maybe that's what it's really here for. Maybe that's the real gift of Christmas. Hmm. Profound thoughts. But being thoughtful, making thoughtful choices for myself and my family, is what my journey is all about. When I was a girl, these couple of weeks after Christmas seemed to be outside of time. We would always get new books for Christmas, and as I grew older and they were chapter books, these became the "weeks of reading" for me. No other responsibilities ... just savoring my new books. And I think my children have this all figured out. They are getting so much good play done right now (as though they didn't the rest of the year?! ha!), and seem quite content to be at home most days.

What I'm learning to do, a bit more each year, is to incorporate some of the things into the Twelve Days that were possibly planned and then missed in the frenzy of Christmas preparation: a get-together with friends we don't see often, a project or craft or baked good we wanted to try and didn't get to. And every year, no matter how carefully planned, Christmas preparation is more of a frenzy than I'd like, and there are leftover things from our list that can still be enjoyed. It's not "perfect" -- and (even more amazing to me) it doesn't have to be!

Comments

[Jennifer]

We are of the "Christmas is not over until Epiphany" set too. Last night I was driving home from the grocery store in our little town and it saddened me that all of the Christmas lights were turned off. Ours are still up and turned on dispite the darkness on the rest of the street.

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

I found your blog a few days ago and have been enjoying your posts. Love the Waldorf dolls you've made!

Merry Christmas,
Jennifer

[Bluebirdbaby]

Hey, I recognize those pants :) Cute! We took our decorations down over last weekend and I felt that was enough "easing" out of the holiday for us. You always have such good ideas and traditions. LOVE LOVE LOVE that farmhouse. Oh, how *I* want one! And I would give anything to have Elisabeth get some good play in. Whenever I try to read, she abruptly stops whatever she's doing and comes over to throw the book from my lap and promptly climbs up to sit with me. Ugh.. cute, but I don't get much done!

[ilse]

Happy newyear Grace! I wish you a wonderful year with much love and happines.

We also leave our decoration until january 6th, on that day, the three kings day, we eat three kings pie with a little stone doll in it, the one who has the doll, will be king for the rest of the day.
We don't really "celebrate" the twelve days of christmas.
But I agree with the not celebrating christmas in one day.

Oh I do have a question for you, about your lovely dolls, wow what a huge job you did, making all those sweeties. i want to ask you what kind of yarn you use for their hair, it seems different than the yarn I know?

XXXX

[Nicole]

What a very mindful post. I really dislike when the Christmas season is pushed as you stated, beginning at Thanksgiving. It feels like instantly the Christmas decorations are available and nothing but festive tunes on the radio. I can't help but feel this is done for no other reason but maximizing sales which for me cheapens the whole spirit of the holiday. It amazes me after Christmas when the sales are on how low the prices dip, it makes me think about how much the mass produced "stuff" really is worth.
I too love to relish in the beauty of the whole season for much longer than the 25th!

[Melissa]

Good for you! My biggest pet peeve is how early corporate America begins preparing for Christmas (stores putting out merchandise the day after Halloween, for example!). Of course, as soon as Christmas Day is here, that same stuff is marked 75% off and the Valentine candy goes out on the shelves. We also have a radio station that advertised: "Your station for Christmas Favorites will once again return with all of your oldie hits on Dec. 26!!!"

[coffeechris]

What a wonderful post so honest and ready for things to form organically. We too, celebrate the Epiphany and leave our decorations up to until the 6th. I love seeing the tree at night with the lights, while we read, knit and it is cold, crisp and snowy out. The week after Christmas was always "family" time and I love it more than Christmas. My son is older now, and each year we embrace the advent season more and more, which prepares us for the true meaning of Christmas. There is still room for baking, gifting etc. however much less and it never all gets done, anyway. Are we every ready? Ready or not, he comes on Christmas Eve and we have learned to celebrate the great time afterwards. Hope you are able to keep up the tradition and add and adjust it as the family desires each year.

[Kristy]

We always leave our decorations up until the 6th too.I love that post Christmas reflection.It gives us time where we can enjoy each other more slowly.

[QALBALLAH]

Growing up we did the twelve days after xmas thing. Never knew why... nice piccies. WANT farmhouse. Just for me. Kids can't have it. Nope.

[mamacita]

Another Christmas-until-Epiphany person here. It's funny how counterculture this is. This year I was really wanting to have a Provencal Thirteen Desserts celebration on Epiphany; unfortunately, my friends have already started their diets and don't want to participate :-( I am determined to do something on Epiphany, though. Maybe just one King's Cake.

[amy]

We leave our nativity set up till January 6 and read about the wise men that day. The tree comes down before New Years because it's pretty dead by then. I've also been doing some of the activities with my children that we didn't get to before Christmas. Today were making window stars. And we might not get to the gingerbread house till Valentines Day! I've been so relaxed since Christmas is over, but it was so hectic before. Love your post!
Amy in CA

[Nikki]

Very thoughtful post, really I have decided to "spread" Christmas out as well. My kids didn't receive all the gifts on Christmas Day, but also on the weekend after Christmas and on New Years Day. I think its so crazy that I'm seeing Valentine's cards already in the stores! We as a society are in such a rush, rush, rush,its good that some of us are deciding to opt out. Thanks for the insight Grace.

[Paige]

I just found your blog today - thanks for such a mindful post. I've been feeling that post-Christmas letdown you spoke of...it comes to such a screeching halt on the 26th, yet it really doesn't have to, does it? Something nice to think about in preparing for next year. Take care!

[Molly]

I'm with you. I'm still languishing in the holiday glow, while the world around me seems abruptly back to reality. I did take the tree down today - only as an alternative to its taking itself down. Love this post. Really enjoying your writing and photos so much. Thanks. - Molly

[Louise]

What a lovely post and how true. Do you know I actually saw Easter stuff in our craft shop the other day!! I have just finished taking down our tree although I usually do it on the 6th - too much else to do tomorrow. Ours goes up on the 1st Dec too so we enjoy it for a really long time. It's really hot here so we are all indoors with the airconditioner and enjoying new games and books, sewing and other bits an pieces. Enjoy your special time together.

[Lisa Clarke]

Oh, I wholeheartedly agree. One of our local radio stations does the same thing - 24 hour Christmas music from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas night. In fact, they go back to regular programming at 6pm or something silly like that.

So many of my family's holiday get-togethers happen *after* December 25th. It's just always been easier that way, and I really can't imagine trying to cram it all in *before* and still appreciate any of it.

Additionally, I don't think New Year's Eve would be the same without the glow of the Christmas tree.

[Tiffany]

I think this is a lovely tradition! I want to start celebrating (next year with own my family)- Advent all the way through Epiphany. Thank you for sharing!

[dottycookie]

Come to live in the UK :-) We always leave our decorations up till the 6th - but this year, for the first time, we will be making and eating an Epiphany cake and having a little tea party to cheer up the girls. They are not happy about saying goodbye to the tree :-(

[Mary Beth]

Grace, your comments today are so so welcome to me. I've been thinking a lot about extending the season, avoiding the let down, all those things you mentioned . . . and it does seem so very counter culture to celebrate the "12 days" and yet it makes much more sense. So much to think about in your post. Thank you!

Also, thank you so much for e-mailing me your reply to the question I asked about the t-shirts--that's such a good idea to simply remove the pocket--I don't know why I didn't think of that.

Also, I just think your kids are the cutest. There is something about your son that is just so adorable. Just thought I'd mention it--I hope that's okay. I have cute kids over here too, of course. Have a wonderful rest of the holiday season. I'm so glad you're back to blogging after the Christmas rush.
Mary Beth

[Laura]

Hi.

We also celebrate throughout the entire 12 days of Christmas. I took our "big" tree down yesterday but the little trees are still up as is the Nativity scene. We try to make the days special with candlelight dinners, doing some family activities (crafts, walks, movies, museum visits, family visiting.) We just keep a slower pace during this time trying to be more reflective. Tonight we'll light the Advent wreath & Christ candle & the kids will write notes to Jesus that they put in a stocking we have for him & they will thank him for his help in the past year. It is important to us that the entire season of Advent & then the celebrations leading into Epiphany are more important than the presents they get on Christmas morning.

My mom always left up our decorations until New Years Day & my Mother in law pretty much made it until Dec. 26th so it's not a tradition that my husband & I grew up with either but it has kinda just evolved as we have dated, married & had our two children. It also helps that our church really keeps the spirit of Christmas going through Epiphany.

Wishing you many blessings in the coming year.

Laura

[the mother of this lot]

I just found your blog and thought your post was beautiful. Our tree and decorations (as ragged as they now look) stay up till today as well. I try each year to keep 'the outside world' out of Advent as long as possible, and this year was helped by a wonderful book called 'A Child in Winter' by Caryll Houselander.

Have a lovely day!

[Kate]

Add me to the list of folks who love your blog, I've been lurking for a while without comment until now, because this post Really resonates,(not that others haven't but I guess I am branching out) I too have been noticing in very many ways the fact that not much of anything which I once thought had to be perfect actually needs to be. What a revelation!

[Claudia]

Happy Epiphany! I love your post and am glad to see that there are others who celebrate the Christmas season through Epiphany! Thanks!

I think next year we will focus on the 12 days of Christmas because we've never really done this before. This year, even though I've been thinking of ways to celebrate Three Kings Day, it arrived and I had no special celebration planned! :( But that's kind of what happened to me this year on the first Sunday of Advent. I was totally unprepared!

Wishing you a joyous and love-filled 2008!

[Nuovaamilano]

Here in Italy we celebrate longer. We have la Befana, an old ugly woman who flies in the skies on a broomstick the night between the 5 and 6 of January. Known as Santa's wife la Befana brings stockings full of sweets and candies to the good kids and carbon to the bad ones (usually it's a block of black sugar!)
For the adults national lottery is drawn on the night of the 6 of january, so there's hope for a good year ahead.

Antonella
Milan (Italy)

[Sarah]

We also celebrate through 12th Night. In fact we had a big party, complete with a burning of the greens, last night. I find the days between New Years and 12th night to be absolutely wonderful--almost like suspended time and I can't imagine putting it all way on New Years! I loved your post.

[Barbara]

What a lovely thoughtful post to read as we rush into the back at school schedule.
We always left our decorations up until 12th night in particular as my little sister had a birthday on 22nd so Christmas didn't start til after her day.
I have read a lot about the blah feeling after Christmas, and felt it myself to be honest, but I think it's because we don't have a focus. Christmas Day was the important day, Boxing Day is the day we really relax and after that we all want to tidy our houses!
We did do more relaxing than in previous years but I don't think I was focussed enough. We could have spent the time finishing off all sorts of things that we didn't get time for in the run up.
You've made me think about next year. Have a good one.