On "Creative Outlets for Mothers"

{At a rehearsal earlier this week for an upcoming recording session.}

Thank you all so very much for your well-wishes, tips and advice, and inquiries about my talk last week. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to respond to any of you -- I have to say that it is completely possible to underestimate the importance of having a reliable computer. I know I certainly took it for granted way too much! Our new computer has arrived, but still needs all the software installed and so on, which requires my husband and his brother scheduling a time to do it. Ugh! Who knew that the death of our computer more than a month ago would turn into such a huge hassle?

OK, I'm done venting now. My absence this week has been due in small part to still working with the laptop which I don't have access to every day, and in large part to not one, but two un-charged camera batteries. That I'm too lazy to plug them in says something, I think.

So, the talk. Wow. I was so nervous about it. But it went really smoothly. One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn't have enough material planned for my entire 90-minute time allotment, and to a certain extent, that was true. I had a solid 60 minutes of points that I wanted to address, and then I opened it up for Q&A and input from the group. Fewer people came to my talk than had signed up, but I think that had to do with it being on the first day of the conference when everyone was still getting settled at the conference center.

I had prepared a long handout, formatted into the categories Why?, What?, When?, Where?, and How? The handout was mostly about the nuts-and-bolts of incorporating creative expression into a mother's daily life. I included reasons for having an outlet of any sort, and why creative outlets are specifically helpful; a really long list of ideas for different things to try (many of which came from your helpful responses to this post), as well as things to consider when choosing what to do; different ways to schedule it into the course of the day; the importance of creating a dedicated space for and valuing our creative work (as well as different ways that space could work for us, and ways of making it fit!); and finally tips on getting started, and a resource list of tons and tons of books and websites (and links to some favorite blogs, too!).

My talk itself did not actually follow the handout. I had prepared a slideshow of about 250 of my photos. (They were all taken from my flickr account, so you have all probably seen most, if not all, of them already.) About half of the photos were of objects that I've made, and about half of them were just examples of photography of mine that I like for one reason or another. I had the slide show playing in a loop throughout the entire talk, and began it before anyone arrived, so as to "set a mood". I began the session by playing some Celtic music on my cello, with only a minimal introduction. I didn't want it to seem like I was performing for the group, but rather inviting them to share a creative experience with me. Afterward, I shared with them a poem that had been shared with me by my herbalist and mentor.

Then I introduced myself, talked about my own creative journey -- which began with my mother, as all things seem to do ;) -- and my depression. I feel that my reemergence as a creative soul is so intertwined with the severe depression that I experienced after James was born that the two cannot really be separated. So I talk pretty frankly about it -- to friends and strangers.

And then I talked about inspiration. The definition of the verb to inspire that speaks to me most deeply is "to stimulate or compel to action." I love that something very small -- James's rapt attention to a saxophone player, a pretty little corner in my home, Elisabeth peeling apples, the two of them puddle-jumping -- can compel me to action. A lot of times, that action finds easy fruition in my camera's capable lens. But sometimes, it requires me to seek out a bigger project, something different, something else that I can do or make or create. For me, the biggest part of inspiration is this call to act, to do something with what I see, feel, and experience, rather than allowing the moment to wash over me and be lost. I think that many of you other crafty mamas and bloggers seem to get this at a very core level -- either instinctively, or quite consciously, and this is one reason I love this community so. (Even though my computer dilemma has taken me from your midst for the time being. I do think about all of you so much.)

I also talked a bit about mindfulness/living in the moment, and some household management/parenting tips, such as an early supper and bedtime for little ones (the best advice I have ever received, thanks to my own mama!), and about the importance of being a strong adult presence in our children's lives rather than a playmate. (For those of you who would like to know more about that subject, Jean Liedloff, whose book The Continuum Concept has formed much of the research basis for so much of what has come to be known as "Attachment Parenting", has an article on her website which talks about this in more depth.)

Most of what I talked about can be kind of summarized as "when we nurture ourselves, we nurture our families". I didn't say this in the talk, but I truly believe that when we model living a creative life, we give our children the freedom to grow and learn and experience life all the more fully.

Comments

[thimbleina]

Wow I wish I could have been at that conference to see you talk! You are so right in what you say about the need to have a creative outlet and how all the family benefitting from it. I'm sure you will have made those who listened to you think a little and take away something that will help to make their's and their children's life a little richer. Very inspirational.

[Alicia A.]

I wish I could have heard it too. I'm proud of you!

[kristin]

the verb to inspire? sounds like this talk was amazing and did just that to those lucky enough to attend! way to go on putting it all together.

[Mama Urchin]

What a great accomplishment, and it sounds like a wonderful talk too. Congrats on a job well done.

[Lynn]

Grace -- Mostly I lurk, but so many things resonated for me that I wanted to thank you heartily. I've struggled at times with depression, particularly in the three years since my younger child's birth. Creating (via knitting, needle felting and photography) have been lifesavers for me. And while I read Jean Liedloff's book ages ago, I hadn't read her thoughts on the dangers of child-centeredness. The articles were so timely! Thank you so much.

[Gina]

Thanks for these thoughts! I'm a new mom who so looked forward to time home with baby, and I'm still adjusting to the slightly quieter pace (was working too much while pregnant, etc). Some very good inspiration here to help me find my way...

[Caren]

Grace, your talk sounds so thorough and thoughtful. I can tell you put a lot of work into preparing for it, and I wasn't even there! Thank you so much for taking the time to share it with us here, especially in the midst of technical difficulties!

Thank you, too, for talking about creative expression and depression. As another mama who has struggled with depression for too many years, and still trying to find my path, I am so encouraged and inspired by other mamas on the journey. It is so, so important to share these things with one another so that we don't feel alone. Also, it is simply a comfort to me to look at the beautiful, shining faces of your children and see the innocence of childhood there--sometimes I fear that the dark cloud of my depression will permanently scar my daughter's childhood. It's so good to know that others who are/have struggled with depression still have children who are full of life!

The poem at the end of this post (http://bottomland.typepad.com/bottomland/2008/03/post.html) has been an encouragement to me in the midst of depression.

[Z.]

Hi Grace!
What a wonderful post! I've been reading your blog for some time now but never really commented. But this time I really have to say - Well done. Wish I heard you talk.

Btw, would you mind sharing other management/parenting tips? I'm trying to do the AP as well and it's tough going against the "mainstream opinion". I just need encouragement that what I'm doing is right (it feels right, I just need to hear it from someone else as well) and that it worked for others.

Thanks!

[leslie]

your talk inspires me, grace.
everything you spoke about, and the ability to speak in front of people. i get nervous when there are more than ten people!

[Kate]

Grace, It sounds like you did a marvelous job, I so wish I could have been there to experience it for myself.
I bet there are a handful of people sitting in that room whose lives were changed forever by your words. What a wonderful thing, to share your gifts with people and touch their world in such a positive way. Hmmm...sounds like your blog. :)
Hooray for you!!!

[Mary Beth]

Wow Grace, it truly sounds like a fantastic and inspiring talk. I wish I could have been there. Thank you so much for the detailed summary.

[Caren]

Grace, one thing I'd love to hear more about is the "early dinner/early bed-time" part of things. We really struggle with that around here!

[Sarah]

That face is absolutely precious ~ I want to kiss and squeeze those little cheeks!! Your little one has obviously already learned the mesmerizing ability of music - BRAVO!!

Blessings,
Sarah

[Stephanie]

What a fantastic topic- creativity and motherhood!!!! I so hope you will write a little more about this theme and give us a little "mini- conference" of inspiration.

I too have suffered from PND and have found such healing in all things creative. I admire your honesty in talking about this, I find it to be such an unspoken illness- and yet some of the most fantastic mothers I know have had it. For me it has been an incredible/ harrowing journey, but at the same time intricately interwoven with the creative person that I am. It has taken a long time to reach a feeling acceptance of this with in myself.

I also practise AP, which is so beautiful/soul-full but also a quite demanding journey.

I would so love to hear some of the Household management/Parenting tips you mentioned too.

Thank you so much for such inspiration and honesty:)

~Blessings Stephanie :)

[Lizz]

Well done!

[erin]

congrats grace! i knew you would do a great job!

[molly]

wow, reading this post grace just makes me WISH I could have been there for your talk. it sounds like it was amazing. when does your book come out?? :)
I'm so glad that it went well and that you feel good about it. I can sense your passion about this, just in reading this post.

I'm also glad to hear that the new computer has arrived. We've missed you around here!

(I owe you an email. I've written it twice this weekend and both were interrupted!)

hope you had a peaceful weekend.
xo.

[Denise]

well said. sounds wonderful and inspiring (as always). :)

[HandyCraftyWoman]

You very wise woman you!

I tend to keep quiet about our habit of early bedtimes and suppers (not so easy during the summer though, because then has to tie in with very much earlier risings), but it just makes sense on so many levels.

But these days the popular tends to be moving towards children deciding their own bedtimes, which I can understand in theory, and kind of admire those it works for in practise, but my experience of a child being autonomous when it comes to bedtimes and meal times (my first three years of mothering I had no fixed meal or bedtimes) left me totally and utterly ragged and depressed.