Uncommon Grace

May Showers bring...

Some news from me! (Photos here are from our first good rainy spring day. During a pause in the rain, my wee ones had enormous fun doing some puddle jumping!)

We ordered a new computer. Thank goodness. It's not the Mac that I would have hoped for, but it'll work. A whole lot better than this "can I borrow the laptop again?" thing that is happening right now!

I'm leaving tomorrow for the parenting conference that I'm giving a talk at. Oh, my. I am so nervous.

And finally, I think we've found a place to live! It all rests on our references now. ;) It's a pretty sweet little house with a great big backyard and a fantastic kitchen. As with any house (especially when renting), there are compromises to be made. It doesn't have a fireplace, which I really thought I'd never be able to live without -- but I guess I will, and it's only two bedrooms, so the play/creative/art space for the children as well as what will be my own creative space are in a dark basement. We'll have to figure out ways of brightening it up (and we haven't talked to the landlords about painting yet, so I don't know if that's a possibility or not) without spending a whole bunch of money. It's important to me that we do manage to make the space comfortable and workable for our needs, though, because obviously that's one of the reasons we're moving out of this teeny place.

But lest I leave you on a "we're moving into a dark basement" note -- the backyard! It's fantastic! With trees! And a garden! and a wooden swingset! And the kitchen! It's so spacious! With a gas stove! And there are hardwood floors throughout the house! Which I grew up with, and wanted to have once again so much. So we're pretty excited. 

five-two

5/2 :: May 2nd :: a return to our 52 weeks project. There are so many amazingly beautiful and creative shots in that group -- I really want to get more into it. So here are our three pairs of shoes today. James is, of course, jumping.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone! It's cold here -- we're having a late spring, it seems. But I am looking forward to a fun weekend of making, at any rate!

Reminders

I began this post more than a year ago -- in January of 2007 -- and for some reason, even after revisiting it a few times, I have never published it. But after my two weeks away from the computer, and stepping back into this space with fresh "eyes", I feel like there is something in this post that I want to share with you now.

One afternoon in January of 2007, when I began this post, our little family was sitting together in the living room, and looking around the room, I really felt struck by the fact that we were (and are) growing into the family I'd always hoped we would. As I sat in the chair knitting this hat, my husband and James built with blocks, and Elisabeth, in typical Elisabeth fashion, flitted happily between one very creative activity to another. (From costumes to hairstyles to art projects to movement and music ... she is the most alive person I have ever known.)

Although it was not the first time the four of us were playing and creating side-by-side, it was one of the first times that I stopped to realize how important this is to me.

Despite many struggles with raising our children, with jobs & money, and lack of time, my husband and I have managed to create a space, or even a moment in time, where peace and creativity flourish. This is so very important to me, and the moments in which these values are truly captured are very special.

I am under no delusion that our children will magically circumvent becoming aloof, even disdainful, teenagers. (I can always hope, though!) But in this moment, while they are still so very little, I am glad that we are placing value on creating together, on working with our hands, and on making and doing rather than waiting for the next outside stimulus to come and sweep us along. I hope that this "foundation" will serve them well later, even when a time comes that they are ready to move on from our little family of four into a bigger world.

I'm thinking about all of this once again as I re-examine what it means for me to be blogging. I received the sweetest, most generous, honest, and inspiring email from a long-time blog reader the day before yesterday. Her words, and the fact that she has drawn inspiration from my life and my family in her own life, on the other side of the earth, humbled and moved me very deeply. Thank you, Iris.

There is something amazing about the connections to be found through this medium, and the opportunities it presents to so many of us are kind of astounding. But, I also have found that the flipside of this (for me) can be a tendency to come across too perfect. I've read discussions around blogland about this, and I have never quite agreed with it. I think it's completely fine to keep the negative elements of my life to myself, and to choose to be positive here. And I am most definitely a perfectionist. I work very slowly, whether it's sewing, knitting, or any other "work." In fact, I think some of you might laugh at how very slowly I sew on the machine! This is to say that I do strive for perfection all the time, because I am a person who gets anxious about small mistakes.

But, I'm not perfect. I make lots of mistakes in my art, work, and life. I'm not a perfect mother. I struggle every single day with remaining present with my children, with balancing my own needs and wants as an individual with the often very disparate needs and wants of two children, and the everyday tasks of a household. When I started this blog, stepping out of severe depression, I started it for myself. My intention was to record one beautiful and positive thing about my life each day, when all the days seemed to run together. For a long time, I believe that I was successful at this. But after a while, I think my focus shifted away from my original intention and more toward "fitting in" with other bloggers. And not that there's anything so harmful in that (what a great group of women (and men, too!), artists, mothers, and creators to fit into!) but I feel like I lost my focus, and lost a little bit of what made this space so very special to me.

So, I am beginning again, reminding myself that the blog is for me, for fun, and for remembering that there are small miracles in every single day, not just the days when I have a craft to show off or a fantastic photo to share.

Thank you to those of you who choose to spend a little bit of your own precious time here with me -- every day, or just once in a while. I hope you will keep visiting, and leaving comments for me. I hope that my new commitment to focus on the special, small moments in my day-to-day life (and crafts, too!) will touch you and bring a little bit of joy and beauty into your days.

love, Grace

PS: The photos here are from our trail walk today. I shared them here because of the peace that my children exude when they are free like this. Their squabbles seem to melt away on the trail.

Easing back in...

...with a picture of my feet. Heading out for an evening with friends on Friday night. In my new shoes that I am breaking in for my upcoming trip to New York.

And with the first tiny, unfolding flower of spring, in a crack in the cement. My computer sabbatical was refreshing, and I think I should have taken it a little sooner. Now I feel a little bit like this flower, slowly opening back up.

I have some projects, as well as just some life, to share with you this week. And I'm having fun checking back in with so many of my favorite blogs ... it's amazing to see what all of you have been up to these two weeks! And now I'm going to get off the computer. Because it's fantastic. But so is everything else that's going on here. And I need to remember to keep that in balance.

Be Back Monday

These last 10 days have been really what I needed. And I'm going to take the rest of the weekend away from the computer and start afresh in this space on Monday!

Letting the Art Back In

Dear Friends,

I am feeling a bit tapped out and overwhelmed -- emotionally, creatively, and just with life in general. I think between having a bad season with regard to colds (the one from last week still hanging on...), stress about looking for a place to move to (still no good prospects on that, by the way), and just a feeling of having found myself behind -- one step behind my now more mischievous two-year-old and my almost six-year-old who leaves me feeling at a loss many days, behind in my work around the home, and so on -- I have allowed myself to let the "art" of living step right on out of my life.

So, with that in mind, I'm going to take about a week or ten days away from the computer. For all the amazing inspiration and motivation that can be found in the online world -- and the blogging "neighborhood" in particular -- there are times (I'm sure for everyone, not just me), when computer time seems to take over more than it should. And so a short break seems in order for me.

I am hoping that I'll return here late next week feeling refreshed, with maybe a few projects to share, and a feeling of having let a little bit more balance -- and art -- back into my days. Be well -- I'll see you soon!

xo, Grace

PS: I will be checking my email once a day out of pure logistical necessity, so don't hesitate to leave a comment or drop me a line. I may need to keep responses quick, but I'll be able to "hear" you.

from the weekend

Just a few photos from the weekend to share on this Monday.

Special treat: a trip to a 50's diner in the middle of a very long weekend without Daddy.

My girl. In my favorite dress on her. Wishing her face were more in focus, but it was pretty dark out when I took it. Wondering how I got so lucky to be the mama of this amazing child.

Other bits from my thoughts tonight:

~We've been doing some packing and lots and lots of looking at houses, so that's been occupying much of our time and energies. Looking for a rental can be kind of depressing, especially when you want to live here, which is of course not an option as it's some thousands of miles from here.

~In seven days I will be 30 years old! My husband, who turned 40 in December, thinks it's the teeniest bit amusing that I'm getting all excited about this. But I am. :)

~We had a pretty fantastic sunset tonight. I'll leave you with some photos of that.

Beginnings

I've been in a bit of a blogging funk lately (could you tell?). Just feeling like ideas are a bit thin, not much to say. I thought about taking a break for a little while, but I think I'll try to stick it out and get over the hump. There will be things to post soon. (Did I mention that my 30th birthday is in less than two weeks now -- 13 days, to be precise?)

So what has been going on around here? A lot of beginnings. Birthday ideas (my children's birthdays follow along right after mine) are in the beginning stages. The Tilted Duster has been cast on and is slowly, slowly coming. We're looking for a house ... we rent here, and we're looking for another rental, so it won't be our dream house, but I'm hoping we'll find something with more space indoors and out.

Work on my first foundation-pieced quilt block, for the Virtual Quilting Bee. Our items Mini-swap 3 are being planned with glee. Four dolls are in various states. Another little knitting project needs to be cast off and finished. A little boy, 23 months old today, is needing a bit more mama time (especially at night) lately. Enjoying the little taste of spring that comes around Valentine's Day most years in our part of the world.

So, in all, it's a very productive time, even though I feel that my blogging voice is a bit hoarse. I am making a little posting goal to myself to share a little something, even if it's a random photo, these next few weeks as I focus on all of the things we've begun here.

{The photos in this post are from my west-facing studio window, where I've been spending a bit more time in these days of quiet productivity.}

The not-so-good

December is slipping by and I am feeling woefully unprepared for Christmas. Oh, I promise myself every year that I'll start earlier, etc. But I never do. The advent calendar is barely happening this year ... despite my best intentions and good advice for everyone else, I was not as organized this year as I was last year, and it's causing some nightmares for me. My Christmas cards are sitting here on my desk, un-signed, un-addressed, un-stamped, un-sent. I always mail my cards on November 30. I have not even begun the children's Christmas pajamas (a last day of advent tradition here), and worse, haven't even begun Elisabeth's gifts. I don't have gifts in hand for most of our extended family, or any good birthday ideas for my husband (he turns 40 on Sunday -- can I say that?). I have hours of work left on my doll commissions. (If you ordered dolls from me and are reading this, they will make their way to you, sweetly wrapped, this week. I don't know when, but I'd mail them by Express mail anyway as a protection, so they'll get to you.) And, oh, yeah:

James's leg is broken. We don't know how it happened. We were in to the doctor twice last week because of it; at first they thought they wouldn't need to cast it, but after a second opinion by an orthopedist, James came home with a bright red cast.

I know this will all seem funny to me in, oh, about 8 days. But this week? Not so much.

Afternoon

With the wee ones off to my mom's house, I'm home alone for an afternoon of doll-making. I often think I can't get anything done with my two babies running around. But it turns out, when I'm home alone, I'm lonely for the ruckus. Anyway, I needed a short break from the handsewing and the smelling of our dinner in the crockpot, so here I am.

This morning we made some peppermint bark. We all agreed that it was delicious but too much made for a sick tummy!

It was super simple -- we didn't use a recipe or anything. We just crushed 12 candy canes (using the towel & rolling pin method), melted about 16 oz of white chocolate in the double boiler (it was a 12 oz bag of white chocolate chips and most of one Green & Black's white chocolate bar -- not an allergy-friendly food of mine, I can say, but so yummy anyway), spread it out on some parchment paper, sprinkled and swirled the candy cane bits in, put it in the fridge (the freezer would be even better, but our side-by-side freezer is way too small), and 20 minutes later, voila! Easy, festive, fun, yummy!

Sick in bed

We have not had a good season when it comes to colds. I think it's because my husband is a teacher, and brings things home from his students. (High schoolers seem to be sick a lot.) My husband is on his second awful cold in as many months, I had that horrible one in November, James had his very first ear infection, and Elisabeth is now sick in bed for only the second or third time in her life! (She definitely wins the immune system award in our house -- she is so rarely sick.)

My mom was able to stop by yesterday with a fresh coloring book for Elisabeth (always a nice thing to have when you're laid up), and we also got out some little toys that Elisabeth had been given as a gift for acting as a flower girl in a friend's wedding two years ago. We'd forgotten all about them up on a shelf, and everyone was excited to learn that the little characters were actually finger puppets! Elisabeth's dolls have been her constant companions (along with a big pile of winter and holiday books and her snow globe), and snacks of frozen berries and card games have come in very handy, as well.

All this has me thinking about the rituals that we keep when our children are not themselves -- suffering, under the weather, emotionally distressed, etc. Most of the time I kind of think that those times are isolated and somehow not part of our "real life." And yet, there they are, cropping up and reminding me of the messiness of life. And how important these times of convalescence are: to nourish a sick child's body, to nurture a sorrowful child's spirit, to ease a suffering child's mind. What does it take to do that job? Yes, it takes some real physical things: some eucalytus oil in the vaporizer, a homeopathic remedy under the tongue, a cool cloth on the forehead, a gentle massage of aching muscles. But most of all, it takes time. Time is the best gift I can give my children, when they need me, and even when they think they don't. Time that sometimes I think I don't have. But if I really take the time to be present with my children, everything else seems to fall into place anyway. That time spent is an even greater gift to me.

I love this post by Molly, which she ends by saying that a system is not what is needed to raise our children well. She's so right. It shouldn't just be, "Make dinner? Check. Fold laundry? Check. Nourish my child's body, mind, and soul? Check."

Some of my "to-do's" may go unchecked over these few days. But being a present mother to my wee ones is the greatest to-do of all.   

Equilibrium

I know I promised to post on Monday. And I didn't. And then I was really going to post yesterday, and it didn't happen either. But I'm here today! And we've been busy and happy!

After three lovely days with Daddy home last week, I had the amazing opportunity to attend a Waldorf parenting and homeschooling conference organized by the lovely Rahima Baldwin Dancy. It was worth every minute, and I came away so inspired and excited and full -- both with ideas and in my soul.

However, that made for a very late night on Sunday. And a sleepy day on Monday, reconnecting with my babies and trying to reestablish our rhythm.

Last week my serger finally died. I mean, it really died. So I've been looking into other options ... at this point, I've been so spoiled to have had a serger that going without was not a realistic option, especially not with doll commissions in my future. So I researched, asked around, priced, priced again, knew I couldn't afford what I really wanted, wished, looked for used ... and yesterday, amazingly, a local dealer had just had a trade-in only hours before I called. So we spent the afternoon at the shop trying it out, making sure that everything was in working order, etc., and, with the help of my mama, I came home with my very own Baby Lock! It's about 4 or 5 years old, but has never been used. The person who owned it finally decided, after years of non-use, to trade it in for a vacuum cleaner. I cannot believe how fortunate this was for me, because it's the machine I really wanted, and I would never have been able to afford it -- or any Baby Lock -- right now. But this was an incredible deal, and my mom was so generous to help me with it. I'm very blessed, I know.

Monday night was our annual pumpkin carving "party" with my dear, dear friend Rebecca. We've been carving pumpkins together every year for 8 years now, and have never missed, even when we (briefly) lived many hours away.

We have an annual tradition of having pasta and salad for dinner on pumpkin carving night. The photos throughout this post are from that lovely evening.

And tonight is Halloween! You'll pardon me for waiting to share costume pictures or even hints until tomorrow, won't you?!

My weekend in photos

Friday: An evening out with two friends. Wonderful, and just what I needed!

Saturday: Pumpkin patch with my husband and wee ones. Perfect weather, perfect day! Later, some sewing and movie watching with another friend.

Sunday: Woke up to snow. Cozy day at home with those I love most.

I hope your weekend was just as sweet!

More photos of my weekend on flickr.

Cozy & Sleepy

I am still a bit sleepy from staying up too late working on projects, visiting with friends, and so forth, for the last week. I almost didn't post today, but then I thought, we really can't have that. So here are some photos of coziness from around our home.

I love sleeping wee ones. Especially sleeping wee ones who are all snuggled up together.

A favorite spot in our living room. I could have "styled" this photo first, admittedly, but I also appreciate the realness of it. This is what my children's toys look like at the end of the day. A bit picked up, but not perfect. The cord from our new-to-us (via my mother-in-law) lamp kind of sticking out, not situated yet. Just a sweet spot in a family's life. I love it.

I'm a bit slower on my autumn decorations this year than usual. But they are slowly making appearances here and there.

Things I have learned in the last day

1. Caffeine is not necessarily a good thing 100% of the time.

2. Despite my gratitude for having even a little space of my own (not having to schlepp things back and forth to the dining room table every time I craft), one table does not a craft room make.

3. Knitting an entire sweater in one day can be a relaxing distraction from a deadline, but it can also just be procrastination.

4. Staying indoors for more than 24 hours may result in Mama's use of her angry voice.

5. There are way too many beautiful and creative blogs out there. Stop it, you all!

6. Cheese-less pizza is actually, surprisingly, pretty good. Especially when brought home as a surprise by my husband at 10pm after his gig at our favorite local pizza-and-music place. Which happens to be just a few doors down from our favorite local coffee-wine-and-music place.

Busy, busy

Thank you all for sticking with me through the Encyclopedia of Me! I'm so, so glad that I finished it! I have lots of stuff to share and update, but today we are off to spend the day with a friend, so I'll share my goodies next week. For now, I thought I'd leave you with a bit of autumn decorating that's been happening here. And there's more to come ... there's so much wonderful inspiration out there! I can't wait to dive in!